They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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