I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
40s are totally the cure
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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