What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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