I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
