It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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