i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
