If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
