If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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