boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
