I think I won the penis lottery.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just found a bag of teeth...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
