Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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