I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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