I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
