o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
