Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
