cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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