do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
