nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
