I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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