There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
