i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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