and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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