you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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