I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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