you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
