I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
