please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
