He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
we should paint friendship bongs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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