Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That accounts for only three of the penises
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
