guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm bleeding and have questions
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
