just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize