sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
