yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
