Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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