i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
