I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
