i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
