apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
