you mean i was at the winter classic?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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