I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
