we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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