I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
