Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
