Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
