i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
