I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
