I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize