YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
