no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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