he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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