I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize