Rock
Scissors
Fuck
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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