Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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