I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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