Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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