i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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