3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
