Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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