I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish you could order shots online.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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