I just threw up on my dentist
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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