I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
two words...techno handjob
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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