fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
