I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
