its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
