Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize