watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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