it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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