I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
