Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
