are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
