I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize