Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
