I can't watch pbs sober anymore
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
