How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
