I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
