i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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