I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
