You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
