I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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