2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Randomize
