am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
