Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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