there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
