Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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