I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
