I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
