you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
