I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize