There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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