so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
