i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
