My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What a dumb baby whore.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize