It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im holly from the hills drunk
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
