dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
