First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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