i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
