I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
