Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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